CHAPTER ONE
THE EMANCIPATION CELEBRATION
Nina and Otto spent the first 26 years of their lives in a dystopian mirrored universe on a planet known as Vulcanize. Vulcanize was much the same as Earth, but all forms of creative expression, performance and musical exploration were choked by the harsh dictatorship of the planet's leader, Ripardo Villashlobo. As his power grew, Villashlobo ruled the land with an increasingly cruel regime of strict musical adherence…
Persistent partying was mandatory, 9 days a week, 17 months a year. Rave law, known as the Den Commandments, stated first and foremost that all audible music must be a single genre - industrial vulcanized techno - played at a speed of 128.2045 beats per minute. Deviating from industrial vulcanized techno at this speed, intentionally or unintentionally, carried the death penalty, and was policed by the infamous TechNoFunPol unit. These laws were Villashlobo's sadistic way of brainwashing the masses, with industrial vulcanized techno often containing subtle political propaganda while standing as a pumping, bass-rich symbol of oppression.
Nina Boogie was born in the Lochanis woodlands of Vulcanize to parents quietly opposed to the dictatorship. Although they voted Brexit for some reason, Nina’s parents believed in unity, democracy and freedom. One day, when Nina was young, her father dusted off a hidden Childish Gambino single, ‘This is Vulcanize’, to lull Nina to sleep while educating her about the modern world. Suddenly, the door burst open as cyborg agents from the TechNoFunPol unit flooded the room and grabbed Nina’s father, smashing the record player in the process. Nina screamed and ran as fast as she could, deafened by the sound of gunshots behind her. A bullet caught her in the left leg as she fled deep into the woodland. Bleeding, but free from the TechNoFunPol, Nina calmed her panicked breathing. Just as she began to comprehend the loss of her parents and the severity of her injury, a voice trickled through the darkness…
“Come with me.”
Meanwhile, Otto Funkmeyer was living in the largest city on Vulcanize, Dianthus, also born to parents covertly opposing Villashlobo’s regime. As his father and grandfather before him, Otto became a DJ (an honest Vulcan profession) faithfully serving his leader with an extensive collection of Vulcanized techno. But Otto was growing tired of pumping it out day after day, a robotic hamster caught spinning on Villashlobo's techno wheel. Eventually, as Otto became more experimental with his selection, the TechNoFunPol imprisoned him for 4 weeks for dropping ‘Lady (Hear Me Tonight)’ by Modjo at a government-sponsored club night. He would have been executed on the spot, but he was too mint at mixing. While in jail, Otto befriended a cellmate who had been arrested several times campaigning against the regime. He realised that she shared his passion for music and his resentment of Villashlobo… An orphan from the countryside, with a funk obsession and a bionic leg…
Nina and Otto, now bound by the same addiction to AllSorts of tunes, began hosting illegal raves in the Vulcanize woodlands. In radar blind spots where Villashlobo’s forces would struggle to locate them, the pair would set up speakers, a bar, some decks, and play to their hearts' content. Unfortunately, threats of TechNoFunPol raids often ended the raves early, despite their increasing popularity. All Nina and Otto dreamed of was the freedom to play anything and everything, with no restrictions whatsoever...
At one such rave, with the early morning sun breaking through the trees, Nina and Otto were mixing B2B under their Glissando pseudonyms. Nina mixed in ‘Lola's Theme’ by the Shapeshifters, then drove the effects as Otto took over. Seamlessly, he mixed in ‘Night’ by Benga & Coki, creating a unique marriage of two completely different, illegal tunes… The mix was timed to perfection, and Nina was simultaneously injecting a balanced blend of 3/4 beat echo plus dry/wet knob fluctuation. It was so fire that a blinding light appeared, followed by a deafening sound - they had opened a portal. Fed up with the dictatorship, and without second thought, they both dived through it. Unsure how much time had passed or what had just happened to them, Nina and Otto found themselves lying on luscious grass, alone, in a mysterious new world.
They slowly got up and looked around, spotting a large sign in front of them…
‘Malvern, Worcestershire’.
And so AllSorts Festival was born, an ecstatic celebration of their new lives in the utopic musical melting pot of Planet Earth.